


Is it the part of the process (it hurts)

by sweetlikesugar



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Making Out, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23682139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlikesugar/pseuds/sweetlikesugar
Summary: He lets himself get lost in it, head dipping below the surface of his consciousness ever so often, just to resurface with each soft sound Kevin makes. He feels himself dip under just for a hair too long and he tilts his head back to breathe and hits the wall.There’s nowhere to go.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	Is it the part of the process (it hurts)

It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks for everyone, deadlines piling up in the least convenient order, and grueling practice that was taking away any free time they had. Everyone was wound tight, one dirty look away from blowing a fuse.

The practice was cut short when Aaron, snappy and tired, with eyes black rimmed with nights he sacrificed to meet his deadlines, snarked his way through the drills, setting off Dan’s already thin patience. 

Andrew can’t bring himself to care for it, not when it got him where he is now, with Kevin lax and warm in his lap, hair still damp from the shower.

Kevin kisses like he’s trying to slither inside Andrew and to make Andrew swallow him whole at the same time, hands gently combing through Andrew’s hair, brushing over the shell of his ear down to his first vertebrae and back up in a languid, unconscious flow.

Andrew’s eyes are cracked open as usual, just a hair, enough to see a fuzzy outline of a blush spilling over Kevin’s face and ears, the blurry shape of the tattoo on his cheek. He drags his nails down the warm skin of Kevin’s flank and swallows the sigh Kevin heaves into his mouth. He’s all around and above Andrew, thick thighs corded with muscle hugging around his hips. He lets his eyes fall closed, breathing in deeply through his nose, letting himself savor the soft yield of Kevin’s mouth against his, the slick sound of their tongues meeting, and the hypnotizing touch Kevin trails down his nape and back up with the faintest scratch of nails.

He lets himself get lost in it, head dipping below the surface of his consciousness ever so often, just to resurface with each soft sound Kevin makes. He feels himself dip under just for a hair too long and he tilts his head back to breathe and hits the wall.

There’s nowhere to go.

His pulse skips.

There’s nowhere to go, and he’s surrounded, a heavy body on him and around him, hands in his hair, warm breath on his face and it’s too much, too hot, he can’t  _ move _ \--

He swallows through a tight throat, mouth open around a sentence that never makes it out, replaced by a strangled gasp.

Kevin stiffens, confused and wary from Andrew’s sudden withdrawal, but the gasp makes him launch himself off and away from Andrew, stumbling off the bed in a frantic attempt to give him some space.

Andrew is still. Eerily motionless in his fright and it’s so different from what Kevin knows himself, no gasping breaths or wrecked sobs. If he wasn’t watching so closely he’d miss the irregular flutter of Andrew’s chest completely, the taut set of his jaw and the shaky hands curled in tight fists by his sides.

“Andrew?”.

“Get out”.

Kevin sucks a startled inhale through his nose and loosens his shoulders.

“Alright”.

Andrew waits until he hears the door slam shut, head halfway under the water already. As soon as he realizes he’s alone he pants a huge heaving breath that doesn’t reach his lungs at all. He locks his jaw, molars grinding painfully and he tries, tries so hard to keep himself grounded, but he feels his grasp on reality slip through his fingers like water and--

\--he drifts.

* * *

It’s either minutes or hours when his head breaks the surface again and he blinks, confused.

It’s dark outside. It’s dark in his room too.

He takes stock of his body, now that his consciousness is no longer taking a break. He wrings out his numb hands, rolls his neck and shoulders, physically shaking off the stiff terror and slides off the bed.

His memories trickle back in a sluggish stream as he climbs up on the sill, throwing the window open, letting the sharp sting of the night breeze sober him up fully as he inhales it along with nicotine

It takes three cigarettes to get himself fully together and another one to reclaim his memories right before he slipped and--

Ah, shit. Kevin.

* * *

Kevin does a splendid job of not being in the same room as Andrew for the next week. It is impressive, considering they live right next to each other and practice together every day. 

The first time Kevin saw Andrew after this whole incident, he looks him up and down and quirks his eyebrow in a silent question. When Andrew nods, the severe line of his lips goes softer, the tension around Kevin’s eyes releases and he smiles, just for a second, before dipping out of the common room again.

Now it’s getting ridiculous.

“Kevin” Andrew calls out on the ninth day of not being able to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend outside practice. He tilts his head towards the door slightly.

Kevin doesn’t wince, but his shoulders stiffen and draw up slightly, and he stuffs his hands into his hoodie pockets. 

Andrew hates it.

They end up on the highest balcony of the tower and Andrew lights up a cigarette, sitting with his back to the wall.

“Come here”.

Kevin moves warily, with the stilted apprehension Andrew doesn’t see much of anymore, but one he despises any time it comes back. He slides down the wall next to Andrew, but far enough they wouldn’t touch.

That won’t do.

Andrew holds his cigarette between his teeth and tugs on Kevin’s hoodie.

“Closer”.

Kevin stares. 

“I like you close”.

Kevin stares at him some more and Andrew lets him, knows there’s something Kevin needs to work through by himself. Shortly after Andrew can feel him shuffling closer, and hums approvingly when the warm line of Kevin’s body lines up at his side. He wedges his arm between the wall and the curve on Kevin’s lower spine and presses a whisper of a kiss to Kevin’s jawline.

The longer they stay in this casual silence, the more Andrew can feel Kevin loosen up until something in Kevin’s chest gives with a mighty sigh, and his cheek comes to rest on top of Andrew’s head. 

“Wasn’t your fault” Andrew lisps around a cigarette he’s trying to light one-handed, his other hand squeezing at Kevin’s waist. It’s easier when they’re not looking at each other. 

Kevin hums, unconvinced. 

Andrew tugs his arm free from behind Kevin’s back and kneels over his lap in a move so uncommon for them it startles Kevin into paying attention. He fits his hand gently over the side of Kevin’s face, the hollow of his palm cradling the sharp jut of Kevin’s cheekbone perfectly and swipes the nicotine-stained pad of his thumb right over the thin skin of Kevin’s under eye.

Andrew looks at Kevin a lot, stares at him most of his time, drawn to the taller man helplessly and undeniably, always, but it’s rare for them to be vulnerable alone, let alone together, with both of them so life-weary and guarded. But at that moment Andrew, not for the first time, realizes that maybe being cut open like that isn’t so bad if it’s for Kevin.

“Wasn’t your fault” he repeats and knows he doesn’t need to say anything else, even if it will take time for Kevin to reach this conclusion himself.

For now, he is satisfied with what he sees in Kevin’s eyes and sits back side to side with Kevin. 

* * *

When dusk fades into the night, lilac bleeding into black, Andrew has Kevin in his lap again, head tucked in the space between Kevin’s jaw and shoulder, both arms wrapped loosely around his waist, pressing his affection into Kevin’s skin like he’s trying to leave a lip-shaped indent in the warm flesh.

Kevin coaxes him out of his comfortable hiding with gentle fingers on his jaw and leans in to press his lips against Andrew’s, gently, eyes lidded but open, eyelashes fluttering when Andrew pries his mouth open with his tongue. 

Kevin kisses like he’s trying to crawl inside Andrew, body and soul, and like he’s trying to swallow him whole at the same time. He’s everywhere, around and above him, thighs corded with muscle squeezing his hips, warm puffs of air warming his face as he swallows every sound Kevin gives him.

He lets himself drift, just slightly, eyes open just enough to see the blush spill over the bridge of Kevin’s nose and apples of his cheeks, keeping himself aware just enough to see Kevin gazing back at him, pools of green swimming with the same unhurried desire and so much affection Andrew doesn’t know where to hold all of it.

He tilts his head back and hits the wall. 

Kevin lets him, doesn’t chase after him even though Andrew knows how much he wants to.

He smiles, a minuscule quirk of the corner of his lips, and leans back in.

He’s no longer drowning.

He’s afloat.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> writing andrew as a piece of shit is fun but it's time to uno reverse card this shit. leave kudos and comments if you liked it and send me a pigeon on [ tumblr](https://mindlesslittlefreak.tumblr.com) or [ twitter](https://twitter.com/raccoon_dad) to be a quarantine buddy. hope y'all doing well!


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